Vagina, Skrilla and Marijuana

Yesterday was a long day. After a night of drinking in a cemetery and dancing with strangers to M.I.A, Robbie and I woke up at 7:50, 10 minutes before our "computer training class" and 50 minutes after we were supposed to be at breakfast. We rushed around, still mildly intoxicated and gathered our possessions in a grumbly daze. By 8:25 we had somehow transported ourselves to the lobby of the cafeteria where we were handed a large wad of cash and keys to a truck and were told 'goodluck, and remember to take all the money'. Robbie waited drunkenly as I sauntered around campus looking for a herd of Penske trucks, poised for total slutty abandon and finally found our steed. We mounted and were off, stopping only at Wal-mart for 2 hours until we sobered up.
This is all leading up to what may have been the best moment of my day....First off though, let me tell you about a wonderful person named Whitney. She made us a 12 disc mix of love. 12 discs all labeled with such inspiring things as "Detox", "Mildly Uplifting" and "Robbie's PMS mix", but yesterday we picked the cd with a large fat cat drawn on it. What came next was an aural experience like none other. This mix was constructed strictly of songs that mention or repeat the word "PUSSY". It was pretty amazing, and one song in particular really inspired this blog. The song is "Pussy, Money, Weed" by Lil' Wayne. I HIGHLY suggest you rent this from your local record store or get that new thing called the internet and listen to this fucking song cause it will blow your fucking mind. We listened to that song more than a couple times each time being that much more mind blowing, but by the end of listening to a total of 34 songs about pussy, we both felt a bit pussied out. So, thats it. Get the song and get totally pussyfied. I did.

Not the biggest slut on tour!

After an amazing day of terribleness I have little energy and sadly a great deal of things to do for this fierce and ruthless company, Balls to the Wall. Firstly though, I must remenisce about the of the higher crests of todays stormy and crap filled waters. Myself and about 140 other 20 somethings were urged, no..prompted repeatedly, to chant "TAKE THE MONEY" as a kind of creepy capitalist pep rally. This catchy phrase is actually the sales motto of the company....classy, I know. I'm so glad I came!

The other wonderful diamond in the coals during todays dark moldy cavern of training was when the ever charming Kelly ( http://profile.myspace.com/63189911 ) was explaining her passionate feelings about making the sale. She wailed I am a POSTER WHORE, I would do anything, I repeat - ANYTHING, to sell a poster." The silence in the room was deafening and awkward, as a couple dozen peoples imaginations no doubt, posed this corporately proactive, roundish and bemakeuped woman in a variety of racey yet business minded sex acts. I sure did, and it was basically my only smile of the day aside from when I devoured the last half of a burrito from Poncharoos out of pure animal hunger. Sadly, the cafeteria features a broad and bland variety of cardboard flavored everything.

What magic will this experience bring for us all tomorrow? check back and see....

Commence Bullshit!

This evening marks the last night of awesomeness at the dude ranch (www.portlandduderanch.blogspot.com). Currently Nate, Adam and I have been sitting here for about 36 minutes and talked extensively about how to blow up a christmas ornament. I can only hope for such riveting adventures during my 7 weeks on Poster Tour. This blog was created in hopes that I may document my dramas and excitements in the penske truck, on college campus' and in the dark hallways of cheap hotels throughout our country's heartland. Tomorrow morning at 7 am, after a tearful goodbye (nate is a cryer..) I'll begin my journey towards being rich and being a slut for this company. Please check back to read this, as it may just be the only thing worth looking forward to the entire trip and I'd like to believe someone else is enjoying this. The above is not my truck, and lets hope this only happens to the losers.